Finding the way back to me
Going from Showgirl to Mother was a breeze for me. I have always had a strong connection to my inner Mother as nurturing and care taking came easy to me. Once I left Jubilee! I naturally flowed into motherhood and made it my focus. Raising two beautiful girls was all I wanted to do. I didn’t realize that being a mother was not the way back to me.
Then one day, I noticed a gaping void in my heart. Not sure why the void was there, I ignored it and tried to “fill it” with stuff—more projects, more family time, more material objects, etc. The void continued to grow.
I had the perfect life: a loving husband, two beautiful daughters, an amazing home in a beautiful suburb close to where I grew up, my immediate family within minutes, a blossoming design career…the picture perfect example of the American Dream.
But I was miserable.
Why? It took quite a bit of yoga, therapy, energy work, readings, introspection and courage to figure it out. And when I finally did and shared my insight with my world, I shocked everyone around me.
I was living somebody else’s dream.
Finding the way back to me
I couldn’t go on that way, so I took my life apart, piece by piece, then put it back together as I wanted it.
From the outside in, it appeared that my life was falling apart. Between dismantling my marriage, leaving my corporate career and not having any plans or goals except to seek that which made me happy, everyone thought I was losing my mind.
The first time that I felt in control of my life.
It was also the first time I felt that I was being truly ME—authentically me.
After some time, life progressed and I found a better job that fit me and my priorities. I also began building a styling business on the side. But it wasn’t until I saw my first burlesque show that I recognized what was really missing from my life—the stage.
My vision for MY life, MY way, became super clear. I made the decision that I was to get my ass back up on that stage and dance again.
Trying to be a Showgirl after not one, but two babies???
I took my first burlesque workshop and became hooked on performing again. I had gotten my sexy back!
The way I pursued my burlesque career was how I pursued my professional dance career—not fucking around.
Two years in, I was producing my own shows and beginning to create productions complete with choreographed group numbers. I started to develop quite the repertoire of acts and an expanding costume collection.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that it was not the stage that I needed to complete my ideal life. After five years in the burlesque world, three of which were spent tapping back into my Showgirl roots, I now know that glamour and amplification are an essential part of me.
Showgirl for Life
Many years ago, I had an astrology reading done where I was notified of two energies that were battling it out inside of me.
One was the nurturing homemaker, the other, the Goddess.
At the time, I was focusing solely on feeding that Goddess—performing in the largest Showgirl production in Las Vegas, living a life of pleasure and fun. My Mother energy wasn’t being nurtured or allowed to thrive. Which is why I felt a bit lost at the time. She warned me that if I didn’t find a balance between the two, I would have a bigger issue later in life.
Ten years later, I had my awakening. My Mother energy had become the dominant energy in my life. The Goddess was not too happy about that…
Recalling that pivotal reading and my recent rediscovery of archetypal energies, I am now positive that I need to feed my inner Goddess with opportunities to play dress up and amplify that facet of me—whether I get to grace the stage or not. Balancing that play time with being the nurturer and matriarch has made me feel more whole.
I may not be able to high kick my legs forever, though I will still try, being a Showgirl AND a Mother is who I am becoming.
Authentic + Amplified
Because of my journey of authenticity and amplification of ME, I have created a unique experience for women that love glamour, adore playing dress up, appreciate beautiful things and desire to amplify themselves.
If you are curious about it, you can read about it here.
I hope to help women get their sexy back as I did and add more fun and glamour into their lives, whether they want to get onstage or not.
To bringing Sexy and Glamour back!
Athena, aka Gazella
Amplify You Podcast
A podcast series created to inspire you to take up more space and shine in a world that has conditioned you to be small.